I wish I could talk about coping with divorce or how to
explain the new situations to a toddler, but I can’t. I’m still trying to
figure those things out myself. It’s easy to find articles about anything, but
no article seems to ever be just what I needed to hear. I’m not healing yet but
I’m done trying to figure out the whys. I haven’t fully accepted some things,
but I’m dealing with the situation day to day. My point is, is that there isn’t
a perfect formula for this transition.
The question that has nagged at me the most is “How did we
get to this point?” I thought we had a fool proof marriage, we did everything
right and in the right order. First came love, then pre-marital counseling,
then came marriage and then here we came with the baby carriage two years
later. We did all the right things and
in the right way, how did it all go so wrong? Things definitely changed after
the baby carriage rolled onto the scene. Motherhood did change me in some ways,
priorities changed and PPD was a horrible awful demon for me. I suppose all that combined does sound like a recipe
for disaster.
I have to stop there, or I’ll trip and fall down the rabbit
hole of asking why and how come. Then will come the endless thoughts of trying
to figure out what all went wrong. Didn’t I say I was done trying to figure out
all the whys? It’s so easy to slip backwards, but all the thinking and crying
has made me weary.
I’m weary, yet the negotiations and agreements haven’t even
begun yet. Guess I better get my rest, because there is a long road ahead.
