Friday, December 23, 2016

A Year Full of Change...

My last post was January, 16 2016. I intended to be silent for a bit while I reigned in my emotions from my ongoing divorce. I was afraid I might say something that should remain private, or something our son would rather not read on the internet fifteen years from now. However, I did not intend to stay silent the entire year. More major changes than just a divorce was in store for my son and I.

I had leaned on the shoulder of a family friend during the initial shock of the separation...a male friend. At the end of January 2016 I discovered I was pregnant. Infertile me was pregnant! Past posts on this blog document Clomid and cycle tracking. I was in absolute disbelief, I was obviously NOT intending on this to happen.

Did I mention the partner is thirty years my senior?

After the shock, embarrassment hit. I was "old enough to know better". I was still technically married to someone else. I still didn't have a job. Plus the typical knee jerk reaction to a wide age gap is "they must be after money", not the case but that's what the majority assumes.

The partner was ecstatic, meanwhile I felt like jumping off of a bridge. My body picked a hell of a time to find the ON switch.

I had a potty trained pre-schooler, I had only planned on one child after the infertility struggle. Now I was starting over with no hand me downs from the now big brother. None the less, this was an absolute miracle....right?

To minimize the negativity, I decided to keep the pregnancy a secret for long as possible. I had even considered termination, but was not possible for several reasons. I did find a job at the end of my first trimester, and that made me feel better about preparing for baby and getting on my feet. However, it was for a small business and very low pay, but at least it was a job. At the same time, things were crumbling with the partner. Just too many generational differences.

It got ugly before it got better. He just couldn't accept it was over. I was barely covering bills, much less preparing for a baby. I was stressed, overwhelmed and off anti-depressant medication due to pregnancy. I felt trapped and stupid for the predicament I was in. The only way I could see for things to get better was if I wasn't pregnant, termination was already off the table. I began to think of adoption, I would have to suffer through this pregnancy, but at least I wouldn't have the extra mouth to feed. This might be the only way out.

I had a gap in prenatal care due to my new job and no time off. When I finally got back to the doctor I was 18 weeks. I found out that day I was having another boy, but there were problems. Potentially serious problems, I needed to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist. Living in a semi rual area this meant traveling two hours to Dallas. An entire day off from a new and highly demanding job. An entire days pay, and at my hourly wage, every minute counted to make the bills.

The thought of adoption had popped in my head when separation from the partner when obvious. How would I handle two kids and barely making it? HOW?!? 

I put off making the appointment for two weeks until my Maternal21 test results came back. When I called for results I was told there technical errors and it would need to be repeated, but my quad screen showed increased risk for Down Syndrome. The next appointment I had I finally made the appointment for MFM. A few weeks later I had an amniocentesis.

I waited for ten days for results, I was told everything came back normal. This did not explain the abnormality(s) seen on sonogram, but he was "genetically normal". 

It was at that time I decided for sure I would place this baby for adoption.

To be continued...

Saturday, January 16, 2016

The Victoria's Secret Photo That Made Women Clutch Their Pearls

Last week Victoria’s Secret 2016 swim catalog arrived in the mailboxes of ladies all over America…and many of them flipped out!

Boy were they right!

Ok, problem solved. Moving along...

The model isn't nude! 

One of the inside photos features a sunset silhouette of a topless model donning a high waisted retro style swim bottom. A very adorable swim suit bottom I might add, I think I may even purchase it before summer gets here.  You can view  or buy the photo in question HERE.

Page 57 of VS Swim Catalog 2016

Ladies were hair flipping over the fact that the pictured model is topless, accusing Victoria’s Secret of publishing porn and equating the catalog to nothing more than a Playboy. The breastfeeding issue also came up with things being said like “oh this is OK, but breasts are bad when they do what they are intended for”.  There were also the classic comments of “I’m so sick of breasts being sexualized”.

Dramatic much?

Women ARE sexual beings! Most are anyway.

I do not know of where it has ever been said that breastfeeding is bad? However I have seen where people complained that a mother was not feeding in a discreet manner, and most or all of her breast was visible in public. There is a very wide array of opinions around the topic of breastfeeding in public, but I don’t think anyone has ever said breastfeeding itself is bad. Personally I had purchased an Udder Cover for myself, but I agree with the opinion that folks can look the other way if a mother breastfeeding bothers them. Clearly if she’s sitting there with a baby to her breast, she isn’t there to put on a peep show.

As far as the statement of “tired of breasts being sexualized”, of course breasts are sexual! They have been sexual since the beginning of time and will continue to be sexual as long as planet earth is spinning on its axis. There had to be a daddy (or baby daddy) that was turned on by mama’s breasts before there was a baby to feed.  Women can multi-task and are multi-functional like that. Our bodies can do some awesome things! Embrace the fact that we are sexy and feed babies too, it’s like a bonus!

I find this layout to be definitely sexy but tasteful, it’s a silhouette not full frontal or broad daylight; or a full frontal in broad daylight.  I do not understand why women are getting upset over this photo, Victoria’s Secret sells sex.  They do!  Why would someone not expect a company who sells sex to not be sexy, and push the limits on sexy?  Did folks start to think it was just a lotion store? No, it sells all kinds of things for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Finally, someone with some sense!

Please, stop with the Pink banter! The regular line is targeted to adult women and Pink is targeted to teen girls and young women. Just throw it away if you feel as if the catalog will influence your teen daughter to pose topless.  While your at it, check all the publications and companies aimed directly at teens and you might be surprised at what they are already looking at.  Besides, any business can be picked apart and called names if you try hard enough. Is any business who sells condoms and lube obscene because they are used for sex? It is a part of life and intended for adults, but don't think teens do not notice or know about them.

I asked my sister-in-law who breastfed her youngest kid well into toddler hood if she was offended by the photo. Her response was “Offended by what? It’s a girl in the ocean.” I had to fill her in on the social media heat as she never jumped into that black hole.  She too was stunned at women becoming upset over this photo. She said, “Doesn’t Victoria’s Secret sell sex anyway? I don’t know why this was shocking?” HA! I have a cool sister-in-law! As far as how she managed nursing in public, she went to the car for privacy.  Her sons are twenty-two and twelve so her breastfeeding time pre-dates the breastfeeding awareness and acceptance like it is in present day.  She was impressed to know that “family rooms” or “mother’s rooms” were common now along with modern ergonomic baby carriers and wraps that make breastfeeding on the go easy.
We really have come a LONG way in acceptance and support.

Boobs are boobs and they are natural and part of a woman’s body regardless if they are feeding a baby or standing in a sunset.  Boobs are either accepted or not accepted, you do not get to pick and choose the situations that only make you feel comfortable.


Tuesday, January 5, 2016


Happy New Year!!

This is my first holiday without Mini Ginger. We have temporarily come to a custody agreement until Mini Ginger starts pre-k in the fall. We are rotating every two weeks between us. Dividing the time as fairly as possible, along with juggling the miles between us.

Many things that happened in 2015 have not been very fair for me.  The scorned woman in me wants to say fuck all this fairness business, but deep down I know that is not the right example for my son. We have a minimum of fifteen years to co-parent together. Personally, I do not like unnecessary strife and stress in my life. Acting the proverbial scorned ex-wife would do nothing but create exactly that, strife and stress.

That scene from Waiting to Exhale where she burns all his shit and his car too.


If only that scene would fly out here in the real world!

Mini Ginger deserves the best of what we can give him as parents from this point on. All that nonsense is not conducive of a positive environment between his parents. Fifteen years is a long time for a kid to live in a rotten situation.