Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Thursday, February 23, 2017
My pregnancy was rough, physically and mentally taxing. I had been having semi regular contractions for several weeks. I was chronically constipated and severely anemic. Time couldn't move fast enough to get this over with. Even more so than when pregnant with Calvin, I didn't know problems until this pregnancy.
I was placed on modified bed rest moving into July. My paycheck was suffering horribly, and I was hardly employable at any other company. At least Calvin was on his summer visit with his dad, which meant I could keep my feet up and take warm baths to soothe the contractions.
The only light at the end of this tunnel was the potential adopting couple. They would be there to take over so I could get on with my life. Continue with my life the way I had planned it, or as close to my plans as possible. My plan for an only child, I was going to start college, get a better job. This pregnancy was standing in the way of what I wanted.
I was Facebook friends with the couple and communicated regularly, the wife and I texted at least weekly. They were slowly becoming my only support due to this big secret I was carrying. Literally carrying. Family either didn't know, didn't support the decision or were indifferent and left me to my devices.
As if I didn't have enough stress on my plate, I had to pick my son up from summer visit early...three hours from home...at a CPS office. For his privacy I will not speak of any details of his ordeal.
Affording private child care was challenging to say the least. Taking him to work with me was definitely not working out. I lost my job before it was all over with. I already felt hopeless, this was digging a hole to hell.
The weeks ticked on and D-day was approaching. First was Calvin's birthday, the whole week centered around him as the following week I would be in the hospital. My perfect plan would take place with my new lifelong friends.
This is where I will pause...
Friday, February 17, 2017
I began to Google adoption agencies. It seemed the easiest route, they have bountiful families to choose from and handle all the legal mumble jumble.
I really couldn't stand the typical "being selfless and brave" bit that's so common in the adoption industry. I wasn't doing this out of bravery, but to fix a big screw up and allow this baby boy to have better. It's desperation, not bravery and a horrid feeling to feel.
I found one that seemed less religious and straight forward. A big nation agency called Gladney, I called and would be getting the intake packet in a few days. It came in the middle of the week, and I had planned to fill it out over the weekend. It must've been three inches thick!
As the weekend approached, I decided to run the agency by a local mom group on Facebook to see if anyone knew anything. Good or bad, I wanted to know before I got knee deep with them. Instead, I got a private message from a friend of a friend, who has a friend that had just announced they were looking and ready to adopt. I looked at their summarized profile and decided I wanted to see their whole profile and talk to them. She put us in touch.
We chatted some through Facebook, then the next day we spent over an hour talking on the phone. We had similar backgrounds, had boys the same age, similar parenting styles and likes and interests. I told them of the suspected problems with the pregnancy but all tests came back clear, and they were ok with it. I wanted to meet them in person.
A few weeks later we met over lunch with my godmother and Calvin in tow, our boys hit it off beautiful. My godmother liked them and so did I. We talked about an open adoption, I convinced myself that Calvin was not losing a brother but gaining another. It sounds so cute when said that way.
I was given a book by the agency called Sam's Sister to help Calvin understand adoption. I could not get through that book without crying. Never! I had my godmother read it to him instead, and I still had to leave the room. I despised this pregnancy so much, I couldn't figure out why I cried.
This is where I will pause for now..