I began to Google adoption agencies. It seemed the easiest route, they have bountiful families to choose from and handle all the legal mumble jumble.
I really couldn't stand the typical "being selfless and brave" bit that's so common in the adoption industry. I wasn't doing this out of bravery, but to fix a big screw up and allow this baby boy to have better. It's desperation, not bravery and a horrid feeling to feel.
I found one that seemed less religious and straight forward. A big nation agency called Gladney, I called and would be getting the intake packet in a few days. It came in the middle of the week, and I had planned to fill it out over the weekend. It must've been three inches thick!
As the weekend approached, I decided to run the agency by a local mom group on Facebook to see if anyone knew anything. Good or bad, I wanted to know before I got knee deep with them. Instead, I got a private message from a friend of a friend, who has a friend that had just announced they were looking and ready to adopt. I looked at their summarized profile and decided I wanted to see their whole profile and talk to them. She put us in touch.
We chatted some through Facebook, then the next day we spent over an hour talking on the phone. We had similar backgrounds, had boys the same age, similar parenting styles and likes and interests. I told them of the suspected problems with the pregnancy but all tests came back clear, and they were ok with it. I wanted to meet them in person.
A few weeks later we met over lunch with my godmother and Calvin in tow, our boys hit it off beautiful. My godmother liked them and so did I. We talked about an open adoption, I convinced myself that Calvin was not losing a brother but gaining another. It sounds so cute when said that way.
I was given a book by the agency called Sam's Sister to help Calvin understand adoption. I could not get through that book without crying. Never! I had my godmother read it to him instead, and I still had to leave the room. I despised this pregnancy so much, I couldn't figure out why I cried.
This is where I will pause for now..