Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Suddenly Single...Mom Edition

It’s been a minute and I need to catch up and get back on track. My world turned upside down six weeks ago when I dropped off the earth. Maybe it was a shatter instead of an upside down? Maybe it shattered when it turned upside down? Whatever happened, it’s in shambles.

Six weeks ago, I discovered my husband was cheating.

I had honestly been suspecting it for two years, call it woman’s intuition if you will, just a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach; but there was no hard proof. I have no idea if that intuition was right for the whole two years but proof was now staring at me from my laptop. There was no denying it, but I didn’t know what to do or think. I just felt a suffocating feeling come over me as I closed my laptop and sat in the dark in the wee hours of the night.

Is this really for real? After everything we had been through, after everything I had put up with, after the pleas to seek counseling; both individual and couple. This is what it came to? This is how it ended? After I took him back after he abandoned us the first time, this was seriously how it was ending??

Seriously….for real?!?

Then the classic scene where the side chic contacts the wife to clue her in because she’s scorned or whatever. Oh yea, that happened, and the final nail in the coffin was hammered shut.

I had done all I could over the last few years.
I could not get through.

My only concern is keeping a stable environment for Calvin. I never wanted my child to have a broken home, or to be a single mom but here we are. I don’t want him to have a childhood he will have to recover from later in life. If that means looking like the bad person or being labeled a bitter ex-wife, then so be it.

I have tried to analyze the why’s, what’s and how come’s and I spent weeks crying. I had and still have my own problems along the way with PPD and anxiety. This is no secret, I needed my own help and could only deal with so much.  I can think of a few things I could’ve done differently to make things a little better but I can’t say with 100% confidence that the outcome would’ve been any different. He has a shady heart and it is showing through.

I’m just so done with this. 
Next chapter please, divorce court. 

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